Samuel Waterson and Archibald Engel
The Eldritch Post
It is with great regret that we inform you of the end of this news establishment.
At press time, our office is being assailed by twelve angry Camper (and an indisen Rake), and we cannot foresee our escape from an imminent demise.
We hope that you, readers, will be able to survive this loss, because we know that you have great difficulty in comprehending a real news article, one that is not written in our mind-numbingly simple format, and for this we sincerely apologise.
We are not a legitimate news source, and we hope that you can start to follow a news establishment which knows exactly what to do.
See ya, Blogosphere.
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