When A Slender Man Gets Arrested

the slender man
The Eldritch Post Contributor

Right, where was I? Oh yes, my capture. Well, here's how it happened. I was hanging out in my house in the Black Forest, as usual, browsing Facebook and the like. Nothing really was happening, as usual. All my time was spent watching films, including my personal favourite, Marble Hornets. I thought I might invite a friend over to watch with me, so I rang up the Rake.

He said he couldn't make it for a few days, 'cause Puppets were attacking the Morlocks' underground lair. I asked if he needed any help, but he declined.

"You should stay hidden, mate. I don't believe the Puppets know where you are, so you're still safe."

I conceded, and bid him farewell, wishing him luck in his life-or-death battle.

Some cultists appeared after the next day, presumably the ones who had occupied the house before me. They were completely distraught, as they had found their god's corpse on their way back. Their leader made a grand declaration upon entry.

"The Rake and the slender man will pay for their transgressions."

It was then that I emerged from the green door and impaled them all with slenderbranches until they moved no more.

The next day I received a Facebook friend request from one Tyler Anderson Everett. I accepted, thinking nothing of it. The Rake then texted me, saying that he could make it to movie night tomorrow, as the Puppets were nearly defeated by then.

"There are only fifty-eight or so left, I think; this shouldn't take too much longer," he told me.

I was enthused by this proclamation, resolving to get pizza and beer before the night was out.

When the Rake arrived, something seemed off. I couldn't place what, at the time, but I was determined to let nothing interrupt our film night.

It was then that twelve camper kicked down the door (after counting down from three, for some reason) and attacked me. And I came to a grim realisation:

The Rake was a camper, also.

They knocked me out after a thirteen-hour fight, and the next thing I knew, I was locked in a cell at the Eldritch Bureau of Investigation prison in Empty City, GA.

This was the slender man, and that was my story.